fearlessness

What would it be like to live completely free from fear?

I went to a yoga class for the first time in 8-9 months. I'm not sure why I haven't been going. Life just got in the way, I guess. As we were sitting in poses for awhile, the teacher was reading some from Light on Life by BKS Iyengar. Something in what she read triggered the above question.

Just asking the question brought some joy. What would it be like indeed. Not to be fearful of other's criticism, of doing things the wrong way, of my own anger, of being a bad person, of other's anger ...

What would it be like to awaken in the morning completely at one with myself, knowing from my heart that exactly who I am is okay. Knowing that the world is a good place, that what I choose to do and think is the right thing for me at that moment, irrespective of what anyone else might think. Of being comfortable in my own skin. Relaxing and slowing down the internal clock.

Sometimes I am taken aback at the fact that Mike and I are living in Port Angeles. How did this happen? I've been moving from one area of training to another over the last 11 years, always counting down until I'm done with one thing, being impatient to move onto the next phase. Well, the next phase is here. This is it. This is my life. Oh, there are little things that I count down. Such as how long until the answering service takes over for the evening when I'm on weekend call. But there are no long term countdowns like I've had over the last several years. It's an interesting change. I, and we, are settling into the community, making a life for ourselves here, together. I guess I am finally feeling a sense of calm that I haven't felt for awhile.

It is amazing that at certain points in the past, college for instance, I really thought I had life and myself figured out. Oh no. Theres is so much more to learn, so many changes. I guess in some ways it means that life isn't boring.